Wednesday, 1 January 2014

Flourishing Relationships - Are you neglecting your relationship?

It's New Year and we have finally arrived at 2014. You have (I hope) survived Christmas and the family get- togethers where relationships are often tested to the max. The rush to buy presents, food, putting up decorations etc is over for another year - Phew! Even if you do not celebrate Christmas, it can be an exhausting and testing time.

Family Outing
How has your relationship coped? If you have a solid, loving relationship that is working well, probably just fine.
However, if your relationship has been struggling for a while, the Christmas holiday season may well have put you under some extra pressure.

Now we have started a new year, it is an ideal time to take a step back from everything else that is going on in your life and focus on your relationship with your partner or spouse. 

Stop putting it off. Face up to what is and what is not working in your relationship . Burying your head in the sand does not solve anything and only makes things worse.

So I suggest that you use the new year to work on your relationship. Face and resolve the issues that are causing your relationship to falter. 

Be reassured that it is OK to get some professional help. If you don't feel that you are getting the help that you need and are not making progress, go find someone else. But above all be open to change; to doing some things differently.

When you are in a partnership or marriage and things get a little sticky, it is important that both partners come to the table to resolve the issues. After all, you are in this together and each has a responsibility for making your relationship work.

Flourishing Relationships Retreats have been set up especially to help couples to get away for a short time and resolve the issues that are eroding their relationship.
Click Here for more information....

Wishing all my readers a very Happy and Loving New Year
Hilary Thompson
The Out and About Therapist
Relationship Coach at Flourishing Relationships Retreats

Friday, 13 December 2013

Flourishing Relationships - Humans & Ducks

Did you know that the most important relationship that we have is the one relationship that is most neglected? “Hmm “I hear you say. “Which one would that be?”

The most important relationship we have is the relationship we have with ourselves. I repeat; the most important relationship we have is the relationship we have with ourselves.

As humans we are often very self critical and un-accepting of ourselves. It’s as if being human makes us somehow less than.

" I am happy being a Duck"
 Animals are not like that. They accept themselves for who they are.  
duck will never compare itself to another duck and find itself lacking.

Think for a moment about how you talk about yourself to others and how you think about yourself.

 Do you belittle yourself? Do you put yourself down? Do you have a voice in your head that beats you up? Do you hate looking in the mirror?

Here is another question to consider: Do you treat others the way that you treat yourself? No? Then why do you give yourself a hard time?

This holiday season give yourself the gift of loving and appreciating yourself.

Make a conscious effort to find things about yourself that you like. Focus on the likable parts of you, not the unlikable bits. Be kind to yourself. Appreciate all the good things that you do and congratulate yourself on your achievements, no matter how small.

Give yourself rewards – even something small can give you pleasure and help you to feel good about yourself. And most of all, just accept yourself for who you are.

When you love yourself more you can love others more. You will then find that people will relate to you in a more loving way. And guess what? You will also receive more love and that is really nice.

Hilary Thompson
The Out and About Therapist
Relationships Coach

Monday, 21 October 2013

Flourishing Relationships - Friends, vampires and other people

I am very grateful for the people who have been and who are in my life. Through them I have learned a lot, had lots of experiences and got to know myself better.
Sometimes the experiences with some of them have not been happy ones. Sometimes being with a particular someone has been like having  a mirror held up to me to show me something about myself, whether I liked it or not.
Best of Friends

The people that I have known have given me the opportunity to experience a whole range of emotions from anger to love and everything in between.  They have given me memories that I cherish and memories that I have had to heal.

They have shown me the difference between pseudo-friends and real friends. And the real friends, those who have stuck with me through time are the ones I cherish most.

There are people however, that we should not hang on to.
 Some people are energy vampires. These people do not know how to re-fill their own “batteries” so they take energy from the people that they are with.
Have you ever felt drained after being with someone? They go off all sparky and cheerful having been with you; leaving you feeling like a wet dishrag and in need of a strong coffee! If this has happened to you then ease this person out of your life. This is not a healthy relationship. And healthy relationships are what we need.

Then there are the people who do not want to grow themselves in any way and they resent and are fearful of those who do.  So they try to pull us back to their level. Common signs are when we are told things like: “You have changed; you are not the same person anymore”. “You are getting above yourself”. “Aren’t we good enough for you these days?”
These sorts of comments are designed to make us feel guilty and bad about ourselves and what we are achieving.

And then there are the "Dream Killers". People who, when you tell them your dream go out of their way to burst your bubble. They ridicule you and tell you how dreams never come true and that you are just being silly thinking that you could achieve your dream.

My suggestion: Ignore these kinds of comments. Let these people leave your life, even if they are family members. Follow your heart and keep going.
Stick with your true friends; the people, who love, support and encourage you no matter what.

As Richard Bach says in his book Illusions:

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.
Rarely do members of the one family grow up under the same roof.”

“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.”

Hilary Thompson